Life

Sometimes I feel I am a spectator in life, watching the world go by, swept along by waves of need, forces beyond my conscious mind. I try to get ashore but the tide keeps pulling me back. Back to busyness, important things, other peoples agendas, all good stuff but not my stuff and possibily not God's stuff. There is so much going on, so much white noise, lots to be involved in. it washes me by, though I try to surf, and am reasonably competent. How do I stop and prioritise -is this even considered worthwhile time. achievement and involvement and relationship are all valued, but quiet reflection seems lazy, indulgent? Real people do stuff. Maybe I am too keen not to let people down, or to let them know I'm trying at least. Life is satisfying and frustrating at the same time, like using a mobile whilst surfing, reading whilst watching the TV. I'm waiting for the real stuff to happen and it passes me by.
I've lost some bearings in a world of lots of voices, the Bible has become one of many not the definitive word. How did this happen? Not all at once, just gradually, subtly, chipped away. Now I'm not sure how to eat and drink deeply and whether I will commit the time, unless I'm conscious of being watched. Is this normal at this time of life and what do I do about it? I am a thirsty man in a dry land, with water nearby , instead I'm looking over the horizon for some reason. Maybe I want something new rather than the same old, a new flavour, new slant, instead of cool refreshing springs that are close at hand. Sometimes stopping and just being is ok. The world revolves around God not the other way around. Stop, look, listen went the old traffic safety message. Not a bad motto. I'd like to listen more,and more attentively, rather than fill my space with noise, though i do to block out troublesome thoughts. I thirst, LORD please quench my thirst and still my soul